What Happened When They Love You

The magic words most ladies want to hear, I love you, you know I love you, and Girl I love you. Well those words may land in your heart or in your stomach depending upon who is saying this and where the relationship has gone are is going. I recall hearing I love you from my now ex-husband as he would leave to go to the Crack house, I would hear I love you as I had to hide my keys in my shoe boxes because I knew he would not look there and if he got the keys I would not be able to get to work.

I heard I love you when I went to the mail box and saw a letter from the courts saying he needed to pay child support for the first child he had while we was married. And yes I said the first child there were more L. I heard I love you as I would remind him if he loved us (our 3 kids and I) he would stop doing those things that made us sad, worried and disappointed.

So l had to start asking him are you really in love?, because love should not treat you like this the Bible says that love is patient and love is kind, therefore no you don’t love this Girl/Woman, Daughter, Wife, and Mother.

I knew with all that is in me, that I was in Love with me and because I love me, I had to leave the person who said they loved me for over 18 years of marriage and begin the healing and loving myself process. I had to love my 3 beautiful children enough to remove them from an unhealthy and dysfunctional situation. I remember asking myself, what are you showing/ teaching your daughters. What are you teaching your son? I know that children look at what you do not just what you say. They were my why for improving our situation.

I am sharing this so you can love yourself enough to leave, start over or move on if you experience abuse, emotional or physical. You may be reading this and thinking wow it is easier said than done. And I will agree it took me years to leave, I lacked confidence, self-esteem and the belief that I could make it. I had to reach out for help from, family, friends and clergy. I prayed, I cried and I used positive self-talk through affirmations to give me the strength, courage and stamina to make it happen. It was not easy but so necessary to heal and move forward. I adopted a new Love code and I share it with you below.

L.O.V.E can mean Loving Over Various Errors or Living Over Victoriously Every day, I chose the latter and I am taking my Pearls back!


All About Simplicity Love

Love is the only note that will hang in eternity after all the songs have been sung. It is a fruit that yields a gentle crop. It is a force that acts and moves with breathtaking power.

We cannot change the past. We cannot know the future. Sometimes we cannot even always fill the minutes with the full distance run. Empires may rise and others will fall. Kingdoms, like chess-games, come and go. Yet even as worlds collide, things spin beyond our ken, love is still ours to give.

It is always our determination to be kind even though another response is within reach. It is a decision we make over and over, moment to moment, as we move through the light and shadows of each sunset and dawn.

Love. Simple love. That alone is the treasure that lies within each heart: the power to look past differences, to help instead of harm. To accept, to comfort and to bless. To forgive and hold out compassion even in the face of evil.

People can break your heart, but they can never conquer you if you refuse to hate. They can take away all that you have, but never who you are. Only you have the power to choose to walk a path of peace. Only you can say what and who can live inside your heart and head.

In every moment, in every exhale of your breath, you have the unchanging choice of how you will respond and the meaning you will assign to every turn of the page of your life.

That does not mean that you do not honor your own needs. It does not, for instance, mean that you allow yourself to be used or abused. You are not a doormat that others are allowed to wipe their feet on. It does mean though, that although you may choose to walk away, that you do so peacefully, without hate or ill-will.

Understand that love is a planned response. It is not always easy, but good things seldom come without a cost. No matter what other do, no matter how uncertain or unfair, love is ever our sacred task. It is indeed, the only one we have. And endless debt that we pay forward in each moment.

We do not give it because it is easy, or free; we give acceptance and love because it is a gift we give to ourselves. For as we do to others, we do to ourselves. So plant well my friends. Plant peace and watch it bloom in your own field.


Greatest Tips For Your Relationship

Read on to find the key principles you should adhere to and that form the cornerstones of the unwritten dating and relationship bible:

1. Have self value

This is the key point because it’s critical to your success with people. If you take on board nothing else in this article – make a mental note of this point!

Most women fail in love for this reason and this reason alone. Women are pre-socialised doormats. We were raised to believe we need to give in order to get but we have been misguided.

The women who are successful in love honor themselves before a man. Such women stand for something knowing that if they didn’t they would fall for anything.

How do you do this exactly you may ask?

  • You establish boundaries. In your mind you develop a list of behaviours or actions that a man may do which you find unacceptable. If you don’t know off the top of your head yet, remember them when they happen. If you don’t know how to judge whether you are being rational or not, simply trust that if something offends or hurts you – it’s not okay and you need to let him know or cut him off completely.
  • Put yourself first. Never put a man before yourself. Why? Because no one else will look after you when he isn’t there or everyone else has commitments because they are looking after themselves. Secondly, a man will only value you as much as you value yourself. So if you are putting him first you are decreasing your value by default.
  • Don’t try to please him. It sounds counterintuitive to a female, but it screams desperation. When you go the extra distance to show him how much you care it will look just like that to him, that you are trying to hard.
  • Girlfriend – get a life. There is nothing sexier than a woman who has her own life, goals – something going for herself. A man wants to be a part of your world if it is going on. Think about it, that is exactly why you want to be a part of a guy’s life, because it’s exciting and he has something going for himself.
  • Express yourself. Just like men like a woman who is playful or a woman who smiles and melts his heart, they also love a woman who expresses herself openly through her gestures. It shows her self-belief and value as person.

All About Random Act of Kindness

A random act of kindness has these three features: it’s to be done now, for no reason, and for no credit.

Jesus is the reason for the season,
Kindness works in every season and region,
Do Random Acts for no reason,
Do your kindness in secret.

God gave us his Son – the grace of which implies such an act of kindness as to resemble what we, from our human viewpoint, could only do as a random act.

For us to replicate the immensity of God’s act of kindness we need it to be random, such that our partialities and prejudices don’t get in the way.

This is understood three ways:

Firstly, we typically hang back on doing kindness. God never did. We find every excuse in the book, at times, to resist giving a kindness. Yet we can all recall a time when we did a good thing without delay, reason or credit and we were incredibly blessed as a result.

To give now is to give in obedience to the Holy Spirit.

Secondly, we do kindnesses, but we do them for a reason, which usually involves a favour returned. How many times have we given something to someone, or done something nice, thinking even subconsciously, “there’s a favour owed now”? This is particularly the case if we find it easy to give, yet not so easy to receive. Whether the favour is returned or not, as human beings we cannot help think what might follow. To give with no reason alludes to no human (corrupt) intention. To give with no reason means we give with our right hand in such a way as to not let the left hand know what we’re doing. In other words, to give without reason attempts a purely spiritual endeavour.

So, to give, as prompted by the Spirit,
is to give now, with no reason.

Thirdly, we tend to do our kindness for our credit. Good things done usually have about them recognition, which esteems to us, value. We’re valued and we feel valuable. Yet, do we trust in the Lord enough to do our good deed with no need of reward? If we did, we’d find ourselves very comfortably sat inside the intent of Jesus’ Sermon in Matthew 6. And that ought to always be our goal.

A perfect random act of kindness is done now, for no reason, for no credit.

Each of these three components removes three barriers as we take our humanness out of the equation of love. This understands that love comes from God in us, and not inherently from us within ourselves.


Find The Purpose Of Your Relationship

When you meet someone, it is so easy to see how wonderful they are and see the good in them, which is a wonderful thing. After some time, ‘stuff’ can come up which can make the other person appear to be less wonderful to you. Think about a partner, colleague or friend. We are led to all relationships and all people for a purpose, they are there to help us grow. We are led to the right people who will show us where we were wounded in the past, they will show us what our triggers are and what upsets us. The easy thing to do here is to run away here.

Sometimes we feel that in order for a relationship to work, the other person would need to behave in a particular way for us to be happy. “When they stop being so <fill in the blank>, I will be more loving towards them” or “When they stop being so <fill in the blank>, I will be happier.” However we could also look at this another way. We could use the relationship to heal us and make us a better person.

So if a relationship of mine shows up a lack of love for myself, I will want to run far away and find someone else who doesn’t bring that issue up. However, most probably, I will go out and find this other person who will show up this issue in me again, until I realise the issue is within me and I work to fix it. The problem isn’t what the other person is doing that causes my lack of love for myself to re appear. It is how I react and how I behave.

You are led to a person who triggers your childhood wound. To what you think you didn’t receive as a child. Such as Daddy didn’t do this or Mrs Smith from High School didn’t do that. So the ego will focus on the pain and only see what you were not given previously. It tells you that this other person must not be right for you, else you would not be feeling unworthy again.

However, the right use of your relationship is for it to be used to heal the childhood wound, to heal you. That way you can become the best version of yourself and give your best to the other person.

In relationships, especially intimate ones, your childhood wounds rub up against each other which causes friction. You can feel that you are not ‘right ‘ for each other. But this is perfect. When we heal, we heal through a life detox. Things, issues and ‘stuff’ comes up to be released. A relationship is for your maximum soul growth.


How To Get Away From Love In Wrong Places

From our early teens we all have our own idea of what love is; the one thing that is not in conflict is everyone begins searching for it. Is there a method to the madness of chasing something that for many seems elusive? Are you one of those people who always seem to feel you have somehow landed or fallen for the wrong person, leaving you on the hurting end of love? There are some guidelines that do more than make sense.

1) If you don’t want a partner who drinks or parties, don’t go to a bar, nightclub or racy party to meet one. Confine your serious search to workplaces, local gatherings, restaurants and other random opportunities.

2) If cheaters don’t appeal to you, refuse to be involved with anyone who is cheating on someone else to be with you. If you attempt to fool yourself into believing they love you too much to do that, understand that is what their current partner thought. Cheaters cheat.

3) Hate deceitful people? Don’t gloss over untruthful statements your partner is inclined to make. They are not small white lies or offered for entertainment. They are lies. Liars lie. If you find yourself telling your friends your partner always tells you something that turns out to be less than truthful, you’re dating a liar.

4) Feel like you are being treated like you are second class? Accepting behavior that is less than caring and respectful is construed as your agreement to be treated as less than the King or Queen you deserve to be in your relationship. Never accept the idea that you are lucky to have your partner and therefore will tolerate less than you deserve. No one belongs on a pedestal that high. Find someone who meets you on equal ground and loves who you are.

5) Don’t settle for any long-term relationship with a person who is not capable and intent on seeing the very best in you and helping you see the same. Find someone you feel the same way about. Couples who uplift each other contribute to one another’s happiness and create lasting relationships.

One last thing; if you pay attention to people they will tell you who they are. People often voice their own weaknesses by stating how much they hate that attribute in others. They hate the reflection of their own weakness projected back at them.

People who are mistrustful may be less than trustworthy. We all judge our expectations of others by what we would do in a similar situation. Want to know if they will lie, steal or cheat? Listen to their assessment of the behavior they expect from someone else in a situation that would promote those things!


How To Pick Valentine day Gifts

Oh, you thought I meant his/her happiness? As in making your honey happy with cards and flowers or wearing that sexy lingerie or going to that incredible restaurant? Not! All that’s very nice, however, you being happy is the best Valentine’s Day gift.

Because let’s think about it: what are you like when you’re happy? For one you’re not complaining about every little thing. You’re not seeing problems and hassles everywhere. And you’re certainly not blaming anyone for anything, especially not your honey. And whining? When you’re happy, you’re “fuggetaboutit.”

When you’re happy, you’re a joy to be around. Not only that, you are more appreciative and grateful of your world, your life-and your sweetheart. Because happiness does that. Just like when you’re depressed all you can see around you are more reasons to be depressed, when you’re happy all you can see around you are more reasons to be happy.

When you’re happy, you look at your sweetheart with happy eyes. You see only his/her wonderfulness, those qualities that you fell in love with in the first place. You think about how much you enjoy being together, the deliciousness of your life together. You are naturally more cooperative, affectionate, enthusiastic.

Could anyone ask for a better Valentine’s Day gift than that?

So, just for one day, kick your happiness into high gear. Deliberately refrain from voicing any complaint, from blaming your partner for anything, from nagging, whining, silent treatment-ing, stone-walling, and whatever else is on your list of subtle and not-so-subtle ways of expressing your unhappiness with some aspect of your honey’s behavior.

Indulge yourself in great appreciation for all that your sweetheart is and does. Do it loudly, with word and caress. Voice your appreciation to others, right in front of him/her. Declare your delight proudly.

I guarantee it will be a phenomenal Valentine’s Day, and that any tangible gift you offer in addition will fairly glow with your unequivocal appreciation.

If you want to extend your amazing day of Valentine’s happiness, just continue the process. Not that you must forever “hold your peace” in terms of complaints and the like, but that you think first. That you put yourself in a “let’s find a solution” frame of mind, rather than a whiney, nagging, blaming frame of mind.

Friends and family don’t need to be left out of the Valentine’s happiness. On the contrary, the happier you are around those you care about, the happier they become. Happiness is contagious-as research has demonstrated. Happiness feels wonderful to all concerned, you and them.

Just to be clear, happiness isn’t a matter of plastering a smile on your face. It’s finding reasons to smile, legitimate reasons, all through your day.

The easiest way to do that is to look for things that you appreciate, things you value and are grateful for. For me it’s as easy as appreciating that I am safe and dry in the midst of bad weather; appreciating a dear friend’s kind words; remembering the feel of my sweetheart’s hand in mine when he’s not around. Appreciating the computer that allows me to write these words. The ideas that come, and people to share them with. There is so much, in the space of but one minute, that can be appreciated.


How To Build Stronger Relationship

Finding the right person and building a relationship is the topic of the century. More and more people break up, divorce or find themselves lonely and disappointed by their partners.

In my own journey I have tried to understand what have I overlooked. It turned to me that key and most common to a couple’s success is the willingness to invest. Just like you take time to go through education, specialize in your job, learn a foreign language or raise a child, a couple is no different. Requires effort to build it and constant attention and interest for your beloved one. Here is what to look for in broad lines and 3 categories.

Firstly, at the beginning, you need to look for some common grounds related to life in general. Mind for similar level of education and career aspirations, choice of geographical location, desire for long-term relationship or building a family. Same applies for lifestyle expectations, religion and values or sexual compatibility.

Secondly, watch for deal-breakers: vices, infidelity, abuse, immaturity, 3rd party intervention, self and self-worth insecurities, care for appearance and cleanliness. As you dive into the relationship, recheck for point 1 above: religion and upbringing differences, long distance, significant income differences, money interests or money or fame greed, another family, interest for personal development.

Thirdly, if you feel comfortable that the above criteria does not raise major issue, then, it is worthwhile paying a closer attention to building your partnership at a stronger level. Perhaps you have already been doing so, which is great, this will therefore only raise your awareness.

1. Build each other’s confidence, treat with trust and respect
2. Support individual projects for further personal growth and sharing
3. Ensure time together for common passions and hobbies
4. Practice positivity, patience and whatever you do, do it with good intentions and love
5. Increase your level of presence and embody two-way communication (when in conflict talk about facts and your feelings without throwing arrows at the other person)

As the relationship advances and years pass, perhaps remind yourself to:

1. Make sure you stay in touch: hug, kiss, write, talk, plan for connection and intimate moments
2. Realign your priorities, interests and vision for success (avoids unmet expectations)
3. Don’t get lost in roles (parent, child or toxic relationships; you are an adult for your couple) or lose identity (do only things that other wants and not take care of self)
4. Practice healthy communication (positive feed-back, allow SARAH, conflict resolution)
5. Don’t get caught in thoughts, worries and material possessions, but take life with ease and be in the flow. That will bring security and joy in a natural way

How do you know he or she is the right ”one” for you?

If all things in the right direction, you feel it. Your intuition tells you. You effortlessly flow in the same direction, you dream together, you do not care what others think or say. Your partner is your friend, lover and confident and you grow together. In a partnership fears are waived, feelings are not guessed but shared, disapproval will be done from equality. You are comfortable together and you want to be part of each other’s activities even if they don’t seem extremely special. Doing nothing is wonderful together. You are joyful, energized and passionate. Conversations unwind, you laugh at each other without hearting feelings and you don’t feel an urge to control what the other is doing.

Depending on your stage in life and personal agenda, above may or may not apply. You may wish to decide for yourself what is the criteria that matters at every step. Make your own list of ”musts” and ”deal-breakers”. Whilst picturing it, you may come to realize lots of things about what is important to you, what really matters in your relationships and what are the things that you could never come to terms with. Generic recipes don’t work for everybody. They are meant to kick the process of self-discovery, investigation and personal development.


Tips To show Your Love

One most difficult thing to do by any man in a relationship is how to love his woman. However, as difficult as this is so also it is very crucial for the survival of the relationship.

It is important to know that loving your wife is the foundation on which your relationship will stand. And it has been discovered that many men do not know how to show love to their spouses and this has constituted major challenge why many marriages and relationships could not survive.

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered. 1Pet.3

Given below are 7 ways to show love to a woman based on the biblical injunctions given by one of the greatest apostles on the earth, Apostle Peter.

7 ways to show love to a woman

1. Be to her a husband

The word husband is from the word husbandry, meaning the care, cultivation and breeding of crops and animals, management and conservation of resources.

The same way the husband as the male in a marital relationship is that man who can care, nurture, manage and conserve the woman in his life. It will be difficult to love a woman when you are not yet a husband.

That is why the bible emphatically addressed the matter of showing love to women to their husbands. It is a husband who can know how to love a woman; his own wife.

2. Dwell with her

To dwell is to remain with something or someone for a time, to live together as a resident of a particular place, to exist together, to lie with.

You are to dwell with her not minding her natural tendencies. Husbands must remain with their wives in sickness and in health – whether it is convenient or not.

Dwelling with your woman as a way of showing love is not about her but about you.

A loving husband must be willing to dwell with his wife when the going is good and when otherwise. It does not matter whether she is a nag, you are to show love by dwelling with her despite her weakness and strength. Do not dwell with her only when she is strong.

3. Treat her with knowledge

This is very important. She is your wife and not one of your siblings. She is your wife and not your girlfriend or concubine. She is not even your maid or personal assistant and should not be treated as one.

Treat her with knowledge, realize who she is to you and dwell with her according to that knowledge. Your wife is a stakeholder in your affairs. The moment you realized this the better for you.

4. Give her honour

This is wow! Love honours, adores and worship. You are to honour her both in public and private, when convenient and or not. It is one of the most difficult things to do for a man in a relationship but remember it is not about her but you.

It does not matter whether she I contentious you just must show love by honouring her.

5. Treat her with understanding

Your ability to understand a woman determines your love for that woman. It would be difficult to love someone you do not understand.

Be aware of her feelings and emotions. Understand her weaknesses and strength. By understanding her you will know how to render help where necessary.

6. See her as co-inheritor of God’s promises

Two are better than one. No matter how great you might be, when you married you will become far better.

There are certain honours and respects you cannot enjoy except you have a solid relationship with your wife. Every married man can testify to this. A good marital relationship always enhances the personalities of the people involved. It is a key to higher ground in life and ministry.

You are co-inheritors of the promises of God here on earth and so must treat each other that way. Treat her as co traveler, and pilgrim here on earth. You are both in the journey of life and so need the co-operation of one another to end well.

If you do not do this your prayer may be hindered, as good relationship promotes speed answers to prayers.

7. Love her the way you love God

Why? This is because if you do not love your wife that you live with and can see how can you love God that is not visible to the naked eye?

There should not be gap between your love for God and that of your wife. The same way you love God must be replicated in your spouse.

Again, I want to emphasize the fact that showing love to your woman is not about her or her attitudes, but about you and your obedient to the word of God. It is better to remain unmarried than to have a broken marriage.

Marriage and marital relationships plays important roles in our ability to access the heavens and get positive responses. Prayers are hindered when there is no marital harmony. When love is not been practiced in a home, everything in and around that home will suffer.


Rewards Of Relationship

First and foremost, thank you for taking the time to read this.

What I have discovered that could help many relationships out there is to constantly build my relationships. This isn’t just with my lover although she benefits the most. Because we get to spend so much time together we have found it ever so important to not only relax with each other but to also go on adventures, with and without the kids. We love them ever so much but as a couple we have taken time for just one another, to give each other the kind of love only couples can.

The greatest successes I have seen in other couples is that they are striving to spend as much time together as possible. Life is busy enough without taking time for those that you love most. I urge you the next moment you get to pick up and hug your loved one just stand there for a full minute or two. Do this daily and your relationships with those loved ones will improve dramatically.

Human touch is of great importance. Some people are more sensitive than others. The energies that are exchanged when you are close with another human are quite remarkable. In this day and age there have been such improvements in technology that those energies are beginning to be measured. Now we as a human race can really get a grasp on what energy is like within humans. We are getting closer and closer to being able to measure even that essence that makes humans be here.

I want you to understand. This is not just a metaphysical where only a few feel. There are more and more humans becoming more sensitive to energy. We can use this with one another to improve our relationships. Simply look into eyes and open your feelings. Even at eye sight a person gets a funny little feeling whether you connect with certain people or that you want to stay away from certain people.

A lot of this has to do with vibrations and whether those vibrations are positive or negative. A positive person does not want to be around a negative person. Although there can sometimes be an attraction there as well. Have you ever noticed how same and yet different you are from your closest person?

To improve your relationships, get in tune with each other. The other night I was lying my head on my wife’s chest and just listened to her heart beat. While lying there in the quiet our breath became in sync and we just felt one another. It was simply an exchange of energy that I have found vital in relationships.

Growing closer yields many rewards and I really hope that you take the time with your loved one to begin getting more in sync with each other. This can be going on hikes. Go to a bar or dance at a club. Learn something new together. Go sky diving. Do something that challenges you both and work with one another to complete great tasks. The rewards are unending when it comes to having a great relationship from little smiles to naughty whispers to even more fun. Take care of your lover.