Find The Purpose Of Your Relationship

When you meet someone, it is so easy to see how wonderful they are and see the good in them, which is a wonderful thing. After some time, ‘stuff’ can come up which can make the other person appear to be less wonderful to you. Think about a partner, colleague or friend. We are led to all relationships and all people for a purpose, they are there to help us grow. We are led to the right people who will show us where we were wounded in the past, they will show us what our triggers are and what upsets us. The easy thing to do here is to run away here.

Sometimes we feel that in order for a relationship to work, the other person would need to behave in a particular way for us to be happy. “When they stop being so <fill in the blank>, I will be more loving towards them” or “When they stop being so <fill in the blank>, I will be happier.” However we could also look at this another way. We could use the relationship to heal us and make us a better person.

So if a relationship of mine shows up a lack of love for myself, I will want to run far away and find someone else who doesn’t bring that issue up. However, most probably, I will go out and find this other person who will show up this issue in me again, until I realise the issue is within me and I work to fix it. The problem isn’t what the other person is doing that causes my lack of love for myself to re appear. It is how I react and how I behave.

You are led to a person who triggers your childhood wound. To what you think you didn’t receive as a child. Such as Daddy didn’t do this or Mrs Smith from High School didn’t do that. So the ego will focus on the pain and only see what you were not given previously. It tells you that this other person must not be right for you, else you would not be feeling unworthy again.

However, the right use of your relationship is for it to be used to heal the childhood wound, to heal you. That way you can become the best version of yourself and give your best to the other person.

In relationships, especially intimate ones, your childhood wounds rub up against each other which causes friction. You can feel that you are not ‘right ‘ for each other. But this is perfect. When we heal, we heal through a life detox. Things, issues and ‘stuff’ comes up to be released. A relationship is for your maximum soul growth.

 

How To Get Away From Love In Wrong Places

From our early teens we all have our own idea of what love is; the one thing that is not in conflict is everyone begins searching for it. Is there a method to the madness of chasing something that for many seems elusive? Are you one of those people who always seem to feel you have somehow landed or fallen for the wrong person, leaving you on the hurting end of love? There are some guidelines that do more than make sense.

1) If you don’t want a partner who drinks or parties, don’t go to a bar, nightclub or racy party to meet one. Confine your serious search to workplaces, local gatherings, restaurants and other random opportunities.

2) If cheaters don’t appeal to you, refuse to be involved with anyone who is cheating on someone else to be with you. If you attempt to fool yourself into believing they love you too much to do that, understand that is what their current partner thought. Cheaters cheat.

3) Hate deceitful people? Don’t gloss over untruthful statements your partner is inclined to make. They are not small white lies or offered for entertainment. They are lies. Liars lie. If you find yourself telling your friends your partner always tells you something that turns out to be less than truthful, you’re dating a liar.

4) Feel like you are being treated like you are second class? Accepting behavior that is less than caring and respectful is construed as your agreement to be treated as less than the King or Queen you deserve to be in your relationship. Never accept the idea that you are lucky to have your partner and therefore will tolerate less than you deserve. No one belongs on a pedestal that high. Find someone who meets you on equal ground and loves who you are.

5) Don’t settle for any long-term relationship with a person who is not capable and intent on seeing the very best in you and helping you see the same. Find someone you feel the same way about. Couples who uplift each other contribute to one another’s happiness and create lasting relationships.

One last thing; if you pay attention to people they will tell you who they are. People often voice their own weaknesses by stating how much they hate that attribute in others. They hate the reflection of their own weakness projected back at them.

People who are mistrustful may be less than trustworthy. We all judge our expectations of others by what we would do in a similar situation. Want to know if they will lie, steal or cheat? Listen to their assessment of the behavior they expect from someone else in a situation that would promote those things!

 

How To Pick Valentine day Gifts

Oh, you thought I meant his/her happiness? As in making your honey happy with cards and flowers or wearing that sexy lingerie or going to that incredible restaurant? Not! All that’s very nice, however, you being happy is the best Valentine’s Day gift.

Because let’s think about it: what are you like when you’re happy? For one you’re not complaining about every little thing. You’re not seeing problems and hassles everywhere. And you’re certainly not blaming anyone for anything, especially not your honey. And whining? When you’re happy, you’re “fuggetaboutit.”

When you’re happy, you’re a joy to be around. Not only that, you are more appreciative and grateful of your world, your life-and your sweetheart. Because happiness does that. Just like when you’re depressed all you can see around you are more reasons to be depressed, when you’re happy all you can see around you are more reasons to be happy.

When you’re happy, you look at your sweetheart with happy eyes. You see only his/her wonderfulness, those qualities that you fell in love with in the first place. You think about how much you enjoy being together, the deliciousness of your life together. You are naturally more cooperative, affectionate, enthusiastic.

Could anyone ask for a better Valentine’s Day gift than that?

So, just for one day, kick your happiness into high gear. Deliberately refrain from voicing any complaint, from blaming your partner for anything, from nagging, whining, silent treatment-ing, stone-walling, and whatever else is on your list of subtle and not-so-subtle ways of expressing your unhappiness with some aspect of your honey’s behavior.

Indulge yourself in great appreciation for all that your sweetheart is and does. Do it loudly, with word and caress. Voice your appreciation to others, right in front of him/her. Declare your delight proudly.

I guarantee it will be a phenomenal Valentine’s Day, and that any tangible gift you offer in addition will fairly glow with your unequivocal appreciation.

If you want to extend your amazing day of Valentine’s happiness, just continue the process. Not that you must forever “hold your peace” in terms of complaints and the like, but that you think first. That you put yourself in a “let’s find a solution” frame of mind, rather than a whiney, nagging, blaming frame of mind.

Friends and family don’t need to be left out of the Valentine’s happiness. On the contrary, the happier you are around those you care about, the happier they become. Happiness is contagious-as research has demonstrated. Happiness feels wonderful to all concerned, you and them.

Just to be clear, happiness isn’t a matter of plastering a smile on your face. It’s finding reasons to smile, legitimate reasons, all through your day.

The easiest way to do that is to look for things that you appreciate, things you value and are grateful for. For me it’s as easy as appreciating that I am safe and dry in the midst of bad weather; appreciating a dear friend’s kind words; remembering the feel of my sweetheart’s hand in mine when he’s not around. Appreciating the computer that allows me to write these words. The ideas that come, and people to share them with. There is so much, in the space of but one minute, that can be appreciated.

 

How To Build Stronger Relationship

Finding the right person and building a relationship is the topic of the century. More and more people break up, divorce or find themselves lonely and disappointed by their partners.

In my own journey I have tried to understand what have I overlooked. It turned to me that key and most common to a couple’s success is the willingness to invest. Just like you take time to go through education, specialize in your job, learn a foreign language or raise a child, a couple is no different. Requires effort to build it and constant attention and interest for your beloved one. Here is what to look for in broad lines and 3 categories.

Firstly, at the beginning, you need to look for some common grounds related to life in general. Mind for similar level of education and career aspirations, choice of geographical location, desire for long-term relationship or building a family. Same applies for lifestyle expectations, religion and values or sexual compatibility.

Secondly, watch for deal-breakers: vices, infidelity, abuse, immaturity, 3rd party intervention, self and self-worth insecurities, care for appearance and cleanliness. As you dive into the relationship, recheck for point 1 above: religion and upbringing differences, long distance, significant income differences, money interests or money or fame greed, another family, interest for personal development.

Thirdly, if you feel comfortable that the above criteria does not raise major issue, then, it is worthwhile paying a closer attention to building your partnership at a stronger level. Perhaps you have already been doing so, which is great, this will therefore only raise your awareness.

1. Build each other’s confidence, treat with trust and respect
2. Support individual projects for further personal growth and sharing
3. Ensure time together for common passions and hobbies
4. Practice positivity, patience and whatever you do, do it with good intentions and love
5. Increase your level of presence and embody two-way communication (when in conflict talk about facts and your feelings without throwing arrows at the other person)

As the relationship advances and years pass, perhaps remind yourself to:

1. Make sure you stay in touch: hug, kiss, write, talk, plan for connection and intimate moments
2. Realign your priorities, interests and vision for success (avoids unmet expectations)
3. Don’t get lost in roles (parent, child or toxic relationships; you are an adult for your couple) or lose identity (do only things that other wants and not take care of self)
4. Practice healthy communication (positive feed-back, allow SARAH, conflict resolution)
5. Don’t get caught in thoughts, worries and material possessions, but take life with ease and be in the flow. That will bring security and joy in a natural way

How do you know he or she is the right ”one” for you?

If all things in the right direction, you feel it. Your intuition tells you. You effortlessly flow in the same direction, you dream together, you do not care what others think or say. Your partner is your friend, lover and confident and you grow together. In a partnership fears are waived, feelings are not guessed but shared, disapproval will be done from equality. You are comfortable together and you want to be part of each other’s activities even if they don’t seem extremely special. Doing nothing is wonderful together. You are joyful, energized and passionate. Conversations unwind, you laugh at each other without hearting feelings and you don’t feel an urge to control what the other is doing.

Depending on your stage in life and personal agenda, above may or may not apply. You may wish to decide for yourself what is the criteria that matters at every step. Make your own list of ”musts” and ”deal-breakers”. Whilst picturing it, you may come to realize lots of things about what is important to you, what really matters in your relationships and what are the things that you could never come to terms with. Generic recipes don’t work for everybody. They are meant to kick the process of self-discovery, investigation and personal development.